BREAKING NEWS: PAGOP TO FINANCE ALL DOWNTICKET RACES ACROSS THE STATE

Chairman Rob Gleason announced today that no longer would local GOP candidates  have to finance their own races.  Mr. Gleason stated:  "In light of the recent merger of the PAGOP with the GLEASONMACHINE,  our major focus is our GLEASONMACHINE EARNOUT strategy."  PAGOP spokeswoman Valarie Caras explained that  Mr. Gleason's program was a state-wide bailout for all local GOP candidates.  Ms. CARAS explained:  " We are very flush with cash and we intend to spend this cash very aggressively  to promote GLEASONMACHINE  values and grow the GLEASONMACHINE EARNOUT."  Hearing the news, Bob Asher PAGOP's national Committeeman responded, "I'm somewhat shocked.  I thought I was the only PAGOP candyman."  When questioned more about the PAGOP bailout, Ms. Caras admitted that INDEPENDENT-MINDED GOP candidates and TEA PARTY Candidates were not welcome, unless they had a large insurance open to buy.